ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize