she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
