No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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