No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sext me about skeletons
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
