Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
