I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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