I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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