i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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