My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
