It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
