I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
