Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
