i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
