my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this will be a night to untag.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Randomize