I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize