I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
