he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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