Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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