If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
