the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
