Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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