Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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