she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
