Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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