I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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