I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
