When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
