I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
