quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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