her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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