I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
