My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize