I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
