i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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