she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
