Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
