I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize