she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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