You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
