Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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