Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well you can't waste a boner
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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