I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
