Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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