Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
home. puking in laundry basket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
