I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
