Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
