It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
