mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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