just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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