I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
