Just cropdusted the office
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
