I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
