i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
