Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
