I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
