So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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