she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
