We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
