Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
