BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
