Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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