Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
