Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
