If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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