I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize