she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
