you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
