the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
