Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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