im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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