I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
