Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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