ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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