this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize