My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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