"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
