dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
