first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize