No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
