I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
