so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
