Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
