i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
