"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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