I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
