I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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