he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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