she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize