I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
