I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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