Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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