I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
