love makes seman taste better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We got so high we made milksteak
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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