I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
