i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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