if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
