i think my mom watched the whole time
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
