Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
