I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
