1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
