it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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