Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
