i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
