it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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